


Battle-Tested

by NascentSunbeam



Series: Fire-Forged [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Healing takes time, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Mental Anguish, Post-Episode: s04e07 Darkness on Umbara, Post-Kadavo, Post-Kiros, Trust, post-Zygerria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9413804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NascentSunbeam/pseuds/NascentSunbeam
Summary: Friendships are forged in the fires of war, but nurtured in moments of peace.Neither Captain nor Commander have ever encountered missions quite like these before. But Ahsoka supposes that's what Rex means, when he talks about "experience."





	1. Chapter 1

Her shuttle had just rendezvoused with the _Resolute_. It was an unexpected journey - she had been with Barriss in the Temple, ready to begin a course on healing that Masters Kenobi and Unduli had recommended, believing it would be good for her. But she had received a surprising comm from Anakin, who in a very troubled voice explained that for some reason he had been called back to Coruscant by the Chancellor, and that he wanted her to go to the men. “You are _not_ participating in the assault on Umbara,” he stressed - indeed, knowing the campaign was to be particularly vicious was the reason Anakin had been open to leaving her behind at the Temple in rare open agreement with Obi-Wan in the first place; he did not want her going planetside. “You are to stay on the Resolute. But I would feel better if I knew the 501st had a Commanding Officer nearby. I just have a feeling.”

 

Ahsoka knew by now that when her Master had such feelings, she could count on _something_ to happen. So she left the Temple for the Ghost Nebula where Umbara was located. The minute her shuttle landed, Ahsoka knew something was very wrong. She could feel her men’s despair through the Force, though she didn’t see any of them - and that was the first odd thing. Someone was usually around. She headed for the bridge, not seeing a single member of the 501st on her way. And none were on the bridge either - not even Rex. But Admiral Yularen was there, as was Master Kenobi, who looked absolutely shocked to see her.

 

“Ahsoka, what the stars are you doing here!?” She noticed that even beyond his confusion at her presence he looked…gaunt. Worn down with troubled thoughts.

 

“My Master sent me,” she retorted, face a little defiant, and Obi-Wan didn’t even bother hiding his huff or his eye roll. “He said he had a feeling. He wanted me to be here for the men.”

 

To her surprise, Obi-Wan’s expression immediately shifted into a much more serious, and concerned, look. His heavy expression became even more worn.

 

“Ahsoka, what do you know about our campaign on Umbara?”

 

“Nothing,” she responded, truthfully. She hadn’t received any updates while in hyperspace and no one on her shuttle had been in contact with anyone for anything further than coordinates and security codes. At his troubled expression, she found that a pit was forming in her stomach. “What happened?”

 

Obi-Wan breathed in deeply and then moved closer to her while he answered in a low voice. “General Krell revealed himself to be a traitor who intended to defect to Dooku. Captain Rex and his men have outlined the details.” And he handed her a datapad which she read, horrified. Master Krell had ordered Jesse and Fives to be executed. Had played the 501st and 212th against each other. Had tried to murder all of them. Had almost succeeded.

 

So many men lost. _Her_ men!

 

Obi-Wan placed a hand on her shoulder, and she was grateful for the comfort. She found words to speak. “What will happen now?”

 

“I’ve already spoken to the Council; Rex was able to visually record Krell’s confession and intentions, so there is no reason to doubt the troopers’ word. We will do what we can to repair trust with them, but at this point during the war, we also must remain focused on our goal.”

 

Ahsoka frowned. “Can we give them leave? Or a different assignment, no battles for a little bit -”

 

“Ahsoka, your commitment to your troopers is admirable,” Obi-Wan began, voice apologetic, “and we will do what we can, but we may not be able to spare them from battle. Our ranks are thin as it is.” Reluctantly, Ahsoka nodded. “Well, now that you are here, I think it would be good for me to return to the planet. There is still much to do to secure everything. I wanted to be here to support the troopers, though with your presence I believe that is unnecessary.” He turned to Yularen. “Admiral, please allow Commander Tano to assist you as I take my leave.”

 

“Of course, General Kenobi.”

 

“I am happy to help, Master,” she was quick to bow her head. Obi-Wan took his leave, and for the first time, Yularen addressed her.

 

“Commander Tano, most of the men are in the mess, I believe. They may not want to see a Jedi right now, but then again, I know they are fond of you.”He gave her a knowing smile, one which she returned. She was grateful to him that he recognized where she was most needed now was the same place she most wanted to be. She quickly took her leave of him and made her way to the mess hall. There, she found several of them, huddled together around a single table. The expressions on their faces were hollowed out, drained. She hesitated before stepping into the room; how would they react to her presence?

 

Her worries proved unfounded when Fives spotted her and his face broke out into a genuine and _beautiful_ smile. It was a smile that attracted the other men, who turned and she saw on their faces the same hopeful and happy glow, and her heart almost burst. She quickly made her way to over to their table, though Fives was out of his seat and pulling her off her feet into a hug before she could sit. “Fives,” she said his name with purpose as she returned his embrace. She circled to Tup next, and she felt him tremble in her embrace. Each Trooper had their own special greeting, their own moment. She wanted them to know she was happy to see _them_ , the man, not the number. She wanted them to know she grieved with them for their losses. She read the reports: Oz. Ringo. Waxer. Hardcase. So many men.

 

Rex wasn’t in the mess. She made a point to not mention his name, not wanting to slight any of the other troopers, despite how curious she was to know where - and how - he was. Instead she sat with them and listened as they told her, in their own words, what they were able. They described not knowing what to do after Krell ordered them on what amounted to a suicide mission - and then when he did it again. And again. “Of course, we should have seen it coming. When he called the Captain by his number, I knew we were in trouble,” Jesse was in the middle of explaining when Ahsoka froze.

 

“He _what_!?” She was aghast. None of the Jedi she knew were so callous; how could Krell have done this for so long unnoticed!? Her heart ached for Rex; to be dehumanized in front of his men must have been unbearable. She didn’t know what she would have done, had she been there.

 

_Would I have done anything? Would I have stood against Krell- as a Jedi? Would it have mattered, if he had Fallen?_

 

She didn’t know.

 

“Jesse - all of you - please, none of this is your fault. Do not blame yourself for what you did or didn’t do. You were put in an impossible situation.” She looked down. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”

 

“Commander, if you are going to order us to not blame ourselves, you should hold yourself to the same standard,” Kix said, kindly, and she looked up and smiled at them, drinking in their beautiful, unique, luminescent faces.

 

“Anakin and I are going to do everything we can to make this right by you. I promise!” She exclaimed. The men nodded, some smiling, others looking thoughtful. But Fives was the one who responded.

 

“I think there is something you can do, in the meantime,” he began, and she looked at him curiously. So did the others. “It’s the Captain. He disappeared into his cabin once we got onboard and…well, I know it would probably cheer him up to see you.” Fives looked to Jesse for confirmation, who nodded.

 

“Fives is right, sir. He refuses to open the door for any of us; he feels responsible for everything. But you do have a special way with him.”

 

Ahsoka nodded, slowly. She knew that Jesse didn’t mean to call her out, but she nevertheless felt slightly uncomfortable by the insinuation she held more sway over the Captain than even his brothers - she wasn’t sure that was accurate. Regardless, she brokered no argument with him, and instead rose from the table.

 

She had her Captain to find.

 

~~~~

 

He had run out of things to throw. He had thrown his helmet, his data pad, a mug of caf that had been sitting on his desk, the desk chrono, a box of blaster-polishing supplies, his helmet again because it had bounced back toward him and therefore was within his range, and finally the small lamp that sat on the desk. These items now were strewn across his small cabin, mostly broken. Unsurprisingly his helmet had survived - it was designed to withstand extreme force, after all - but everything else was broken. He didn’t care.

 

He had somehow managed to keep himself together in front of General Kenobi and Admiral Yularen and the rest of his men until he got back to his cabin on the _Resolute_ , but now he was too far gone, too lost in his anger to find any semblance of self-control. He _needed_ to rage like he needed air to breathe.

 

This wasn’t completely foreign. He’d had breakdowns before; he was designed to withstand all sorts of stress, of course, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel. He was familiar enough with the experience to know what to expect, to know how he would react. He would rage, and then briefly break down into tears - privately, quietly - and then he would feel emptied, and it would pass. He would reset. He would move on. There was no shame in it - Kix made sure to stress to all the men that all sorts of emotional reactions were normal to trauma, _in spite of_ what the Jedi might think - but for the sake of his men Rex reserved these outbursts for moments of solitude. And moments were all they usually were - he did not need to take long to process.

 

Except for today. Because his “process” was off, and he found himself unbalanced and in unknown territory. And the tears he needed to come to begin his mental reset were not coming, and he found himself only falling further into despair and anger and hate.

 

There was a knock at the door. “Go away,” he huffed angrily; he had already turned away Kix, Jesse, and Fives. He didn’t want to speak to anyone, least of all them; he felt he had let them down the most. _Them and all the brothers who didn’t make it…_

 

The knock persisted, and that caught his attention. His men always listened.

 

Jedi, however, never did.

 

He had a few seconds to steel himself - and let General Kenobi he was would prefer to be left alone, thank you - before he heard a voice he certainly had not expected to hear. “Captain, please, I would like to speak with you.”

 

_Kriff._ What was _Ahsoka_ doing _here_!? He wasn’t prepared for this - he didn’t want this. He absolutely _did not want_ to see his Commander right now. She would look at him with her wide eyes, would offer him reassurance and friendship and everything he did not deserve in this moment. He couldn’t respond.

 

There was a moment of stillness. He wasn’t sure if she was going to barge in - it would be like her - but there was no sound of movement toward the door. She was just…standing there, on the other side.

 

“Rex, I’m not going to come in if you don’t want me to. I want to respect your boundaries. But I’m here because the men are worried, and they wanted their Commander to check on their Captain.”

 

He winced. Damn, she had him and she had done it by preempting every move he could have thought of; she deferred to his autonomy, but also tugged at his heartstrings. She knew he would not be able to ignore that the men had sent her. In angry surrender, he opened the door.

 

She stood there, timid. She was hesitant as she followed him inside, and he saw she noticed the pile of broken objects on the floor, the haphazard state of his cabin. She said nothing, however, and she stood at a distance that conveyed to him she knew he wanted space, but she was there for his comfort - if he wanted it. He didn’t turn and look at her, but instead dropped to a seat on his bunk, his foot nudging against where his helmet had landed on the floor, hands in his face. He still felt angry. Angry that she was here - angry that any of them were _here,_ that this had happened. He wanted to rage again, but he really didn’t want to start throwing things in front of her, so instead he forced himself to take in a deep breath, slowly letting it out, trying to retain some measure of control.

 

Ahsoka pulled the chair from his desk out and placed it in front of him, dropping into it. She still said nothing, and Rex’s anger frayed.

 

“Aren’t you going to _say_ anything?” He practically snapped, but immediately regretted it when he saw her wince. His anger swirled again, and he wished she would leave; he didn’t want to take this out on her, but she was here and he was worried he would have no control left.

 

“I’m not sure what to say, Rex. I know you don’t want me to be here right now, I can feel it, but I also don’t think you should be alone right now.” He saw her bite her lip, cast her eyes downward, unsure. She was rarely visibly unsure; she often tried to project a confidence she didn’t necessarily feel. He didn’t know what to make of it now.

 

“I…I can tell you’re in a lot of pain, Rex - I can really feel it in the Force, you know? I know that this won’t necessarily take the pain away, but I’m so sorry about what happened. About what he did to you.”

 

Rex closed his eyes. The tears still were not coming, only the feeling of cold rage.

 

“What do you know?” He wasn’t sure how he managed to voice the words; his throat felt so dry.

 

“I read the reports. I also just came from the mess; I spoke with the men.”

 

Enough for her to get a near-complete picture, then. There were details left out of the reports, to be sure - he didn’t include Krell calling them by their numbers. He also left out how Krell had taunted him. And how he told Krell to get on his knees. He shuddered at the thought of her knowing that. He wondered what she would think of him. Even though Krell had been a defecting Seppie scum, he had the feeling the knowledge would not be pleasant or comfortable for her.

 

“He called you by your number.” He looked at her; so the men told her about that fact. Her face looked pained, but he saw in her eyes righteous anger, anger at Krell, and he found himself for a moment dropping his guard.

 

“He also called me _defective_ ,” he practically spat. He heard her sharp intake of breath and felt encouraged to go on. “He told me he played me from the beginning; that he knew as long as I followed him, as long as he kept me on his side, he would control the rest of the men.” He caught sight of his helmet on the floor and fought with every fiber of his being the urge to pick it up and throw it again. “And he was _right_. I played along, and my brothers _died_ because of it.” His hands clenched into fists on his knees. Ahsoka placed one of her hands on his.

 

“It was not your fault. You were put in an impossible situation - you saved your men!”

 

“No, I didn’t,” he laughed, harshly. “That was all Fives and Jesse and Hardcase. If they hadn’t done what they did…”

 

“Rex,” Ahsoka interrupted him and was not cowed by the glare he sent her for doing so. “I just spoke with Fives and Jesse, and they told me the same thing - it was your quick thinking that saved your brothers several times over after Krell put you in a position to be killed. Fives told me that despite the fact you said to him you couldn’t protect him when the time came, you told Krell you gave the order. You put your life on the line! Krell was _trying_ to hurt all of you, and you continued to keep your men safe!” She leaned closer to him, taking his face in both of her hands and forcing him to look into her eyes. “You kept your men together in the face of abuse. You protected your team even when dealing with every disadvantage. You did your duty, Captain.”

 

He looked at her blankly, unresponsive. He could see her eyes fall, could see that she had expected her words to get through to him. But no. Not tonight. It would not be so easy. He had already learned that.

 

“You don’t believe me.”

 

“No, Ahsoka, I don’t,” and he wrenched out of her grasp, and she looked stricken. He had never lost his temper with her the way he was now, and he hated himself all the more for it. “You should go,” his voice was low, dull.

 

She shook her head. “If that’s what you really want, I will.” And she made to get up, but before he knew he was reacting he grabbed her hand.

 

“No…I’m sorry. I’m just…angry.”

 

“It’s alright to be angry. I would be furious with Krell…”

 

“It’s not that-”

 

“Then what?”

 

“I’m angry…at…at…”

 

“Who are you angry at, Rex?”

 

“I’m angry at _myself_!” His outburst surprised her, and he let go of her hand as he grabbed his helmet and stood, chucking it with full force. It CRASHED against the wall, the sound booming. “Even after it all, after he taunted us, after he sent us to slaughter one another, I couldn’t even be the one to finish it. I had him on his knees, but I couldn’t do it. Dogma did; Dogma saved us.”

 

And then he broke down. The sobs were unlike anything he’d experienced ever; they wracked his body, and he sank to the floor on his knees, his fist pounding the floor. He sobbed, _grieved_ for the men he had failed, for Waxer and Hardcase, for Dogma, for those still alive but forever broken.

 

After a few minutes, he felt lithe arms wrap around him from his left side. Ahsoka gave him a tug and he did not resist, falling limply against her as she cradled him. She didn’t say anything, she just held on, and he returned the embrace, sobbing into her chest. He didn’t know for how long they stayed there, only that when he finally subsided that feeling of weightlessness, emptiness had come. He breathed in, and reset.

 

“The Kaminoans consider us property,” he finally began, after a long stretch of silence. “I know there are others in the Republic - high ups and that sort - who do too. But the Jedi…” his voice caught for a moment before he regained his composure. “The Jedi never made me feel that way. You and Skywalker especially. You always treat us like men. And so I guess it’s been easy to forget that you are not representative of the rest of the Republic.” He was silent a moment, before continuing. “I scrubbed the report.”

 

“I noticed. Especially when the men were talking - they were much more detailed.”

 

“Commander,” he shifted, sitting up out of her lap and moving to lean against the bunk of his bed; she sidled next to him. “ _Ahsoka_ , the reality is that most people reading that report won’t care that Krell called us by our numbers or sent us into battle using suicidal tactics - most of them will say that’s what we’re born to do.” He shook his head. “And then, what does _that_ mean? The only reason anyone cares about Krell is because he was going to defect to Dooku. But what if he wasn’t? What if he were just a Jedi that believed that we clones deserved nothing more? What then?”

 

She didn’t answer. He knew she had none. It wasn’t fair of him to put the question on her - she was a Padawan. She wasn’t responsible for this mess.

 

“I’m sorry,” he began again. “I’m taking out my anger on you, and it isn’t fair.” He faltered. “I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.” He cast his eyes downward; he didn’t like showing weakness in front of his men, and certainly not in front of his Commanders. He had lost his temper, chucked his helmet, and cried in front in front of her - he couldn’t remember ever feeling lower.

 

“You aren’t your anger. I know this. We’re all allowed off-days, Rex.” She sure was doing her damnedest to encourage him. “I know it doesn’t always help, but just remember to breathe.” And she motioned for them together to take a deep breath in, and he mimicked her as she slowly let it out. He felt some of his anger drain from him, dissipate as things felt…slower.

 

“I’m angry at myself because it’s not just Krell I’ve let dupe me.” He resumed speaking, “It’s everything. This system. When the war first started I believed in my duty to the Republic. To the system. But how many others like Krell are in the system? And what does it say about me that I continue to just follow their orders?”

 

“There are bad people in the system, but if there’s anything I’ve learned Rex, it’s that there are just as many good people. People like Senator Amidala. In fact, I can think of several senators who are very supportive of the troopers.” Ahsoka countered. “And you fight for them, too.”

 

He didn’t say anything.

 

“You know, Rexter,” she had a sweet smile on her face, “you should have more faith in your friends. You’re being harder on yourself than anyone else is - I want you to believe us when we say that we don’t blame you.” He made to argue but she held up her hand. “Now, I don’t know all the answers. And I don’t know what to say about Krell, or what would have happened had he not intended to turn to Dooku. But I do know that a very wise man once told me that experience outranks everything.” She looked at him meaningfully. “You experienced it, and survived! That counts for something, Rex.” She grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “Anakin and I will talk with the Council about the treatment of the Troopers. We can maybe even talk to Senator Amidala as well. We can make sure that nothing like this ever happens again. I know that Master Kenobi is not happy - he told me he already spoke with the Council. We _will_ make this right.” She was full of hope and determination, but her expression was clouded by doubt as well. “I understand if you don’t trust us, though.”

 

He squeezed the hand that was holding his. “I will always trust you, kid.” And then he had a thought, one that surprised him, but the thought felt _right_ and he felt he needed to voice it. “Have I ever told you about Saluecami?”

 

She looked at him, confused. “You were shot there.”

 

“Yes. But there’s more to that story.” She raised a white eyebrow.

 

“So, scrubbing reports is a past-time, then?” She teased as she folded her arms across her chest, and in spite of everything he chuckled.

 

“I met a man there. His name was Cut. A farmer, married with two step-kids.” He paused, shooting her a glance. “He was a clone.” Her mouth dropped in shock. “He deserted after his entire squad had been killed by Separatists; he said he knew that no one in the Republic would come for him. And he was _right_.” Rex growled the last word. “To the Republic, we are expendable - just like Krell treated us. Anyway, while we were on Umbara, I thought a lot about Cut. You know,” he shifted a little to face her better, “I wanted to turn him in, at first. Thought he was a coward for deserting. But that was before I understood what he had been through. And now…” he sighed, but he found he couldn’t say the words he wanted to.

 

“Do you envy him?” Of course, a Jedi would pick it up with through the Force; he knew she couldn’t read minds, but she was still scarily good at noting the slightest shifts of emotion. Not that it mattered right now; any other time he would have tried to maintain a mental barrier, to keep his emotions in control. But he was long past the point of caring or pretending about that now.

 

“Yes and no. To live a life that’s truly my own - a life without orders? Well, the long-necks tried to program that out of us, but it’s there. Cut told me as much -every last one of us wonders what it would be like. Because at our core, we’re men.” He breathed in, but this time he focused on the sensation of breath, of _life_ , and emboldened he continued. “Cut offered me a place to stay, if I wanted. But I told him no. I knew I couldn’t leave my family.” Rex focused his eyes on her, and she saw the depth of his sincerity. “I consider you that.”

 

She felt herself overwhelmed by a rush of intense and contrary emotions. Her lekku brightened to a vibrant blue, and she found herself unsure what to say in response. She smiled brightly even as she said it and she felt a strange flutter in her stomach. Rex regarded her as his _family_ ; it was an honor. In spite of herself, she settled on teasing him. “Didn’t you tell me when we first met to not ‘get attached’?”

 

He smirked in response, but as always was quick on his feet. “Don’t you know about the Commanding Officers in the 501st? As a rule, we’re much better at giving advice than taking it.” They both laughed.

 

“And here I was thinking all this time that was an order.”

 

“Well, in that case, my COs must be rubbing off on me, because by my record you’re both terrible at following those.” He noted dryly and she laughed harder.

 

Slowly he rose to stand and she followed his lead. He looked at the mess in the corner of the room, bringing a hand up to his head to rub it in embarrassment. Before he could make to clean anything up, however, the objects lifted off the ground of their own accord and rearranged themselves in their proper places in the room. He snorted.

 

“I’m not sure you should have bothered, I’ll need to replace most of it anyway.” She shrugged.

 

“Yeah, but you were going to bother to pick it up, so why not?” She retorted with a smirk, and he realized she had him, there. “What now?” She asked.

 

“I’m going to see the men. I think I need to talk with them.” He knew that was the next step. Now that he had felt an emotional release he was more stable, but this wasn’t done. He needed to process further with them; it would take time. Now that his brain wasn’t flooded with rage he was seeing a path forward, out of the darkness.

 

“That’s a good idea, Captain.” She playfully offered her arm, and with everything that had happened, he took it, linking it with his own.

 

No, this wasn’t over. But he had his family.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild spoilers for the Ahsoka novel, which reveals some details about Ahsoka's past.

" _Slavery, a great tool it is for the rise of the Sith._ "

 

Ahsoka felt the skin on the back of her neck prickle. The idea that her people had been taken to become slaves…it made her feel sick. She had nearly been taken by a slaver when she still lived on Shilli as a very young child, before Master Plo came to take her; the scum had intercepted her people’s message to the Temple on Coruscant, announcing they had a Force user in their clan. He had posed as a Jedi. The episode left her mistrustful for a long time, and she had nightmares about what could have happened, had she become a slave. For her people to have to endure this now…

 

“We’ll need to develop a plan.” Obi-Wan mused.

 

“I say we take the fight to the Zygerrians. We have D’nar’s ship; he’s been on planet for ten rotations, so he has to have some outfits; we can use those to infiltrate the planet without them even knowing,” Anakin didn’t hesitate, and though Obi-Wan shook his head slightly, he did not outright disagree. Ahsoka was impressed but not surprised; Anakin was always quick on his feet…when he wanted to be.

 

“Confer you will, about the plan. Provide specifics to the Council, later.” Ahsoka raised her eyebrows that even Yoda didn’t temper Anakin’s fervor. The old Master must have been deeply shaken by the turn of events, and the brashness of the Zygerrians - and the Separatists.

 

The comm ended, and Anakin and Obi-Wan both crossed their arms over their chests, thinking. Ahsoka pondered what next - and an idea struck her. “Master, how many of us do you suppose we’ll need to infiltrate Zygerria?”

 

Anakin frowned, but it was Obi-Wan who answered first. “Smaller is probably better. We don’t want to attract too much attention; perhaps this is a mission best left to the three of us.” He offered; it wouldn’t be the first time they dove headfirst into darkness as a trio. Ahsoka saw her opening.

 

“Master, remember our discussion after Umbara? About finding opportunities for the men to have leave, but also some missions for Rex that aren’t on the battlefield? As a way to bolster his spirits?” Anakin’s eyes widened with recognition and thoughtfulness.

 

Obi-Wan smiled as he caught on. “Give our good Captain a mission with some heroics?” His eyes twinkled in amusement.

 

“I can’t think of anything more heroic than beating up some Zygerrian slaver scum,” he ignored Obi-Wan’s exasperated eye-roll, “ _and_ freeing innocent people, and if I know Rex, I’d say he would agree. Ahsoka, good plan; let him know he’s coming with us, and the rest of the men are headed for some rest on Coruscant,” Anakin was enthusiastically on-board. Ahsoka just laughed, but found her joy wasn’t sticking as as she looked at the rubble in the common square and the discarded droid parts - and she realized instinctively that there was something else she could do for her people in the moment, and she wouldn’t need to stick around and discuss plans, or have to think about them enslaved.

 

“Masters, while you develop a plan, may I lead the men through the settlement to clean up the mess? It won’t be perfect, but _when_ my people return,” she chose her words carefully, infusing a confidence she didn’t necessarily have, “they may feel more at home.”

 

Both Obi-Wan and Anakin nodded approvingly. “That’s an excellent idea, Snips. Er, Ahsoka.” Anakin had done that a few times, calling her by her nickname and then correcting. She wasn’t sure why, but every time he did it Obi-Wan cast him a meaningful look. And he had been doing it a lot recently…since Mortis, really. She would ask him about it later.

 

She bid them farewell and went to find Rex. He and the other men had set up a perimeter and taken defensive positions for their temporary camp - precautions in case the Seppies came back. Ahsoka also noticed that Rex had assigned 4 clones to stand guard over Darts D’nar. Ahsoka could feel her men’s contempt for the slaver. She felt it herself.

 

She stood in front of Rex and he came to attention, helmet tucked under his arm. “Commander, we’ve established a perimeter and have security patrols established. Awaiting your orders.”

 

She smiled. “Gather the troops you can spare. You and I are taking a team to clean up the settlement so that it feels homey when my people get back.” She again tried to infuse a cheerfulness that she didn’t truly feel, and perhaps she should have known better than to do so in front of Rex; he seemed unconvinced. However, he did put a hand on her shoulder to give it an encouraging squeeze.

 

“Absolutely, Commander. We’ll get this place cleaned up in no time.” He gave her his own encouraging smile and she felt some of her heaviness lighten. They gathered a small squad to divvy up in pairs, collecting mangled droid parts and clearing out rubble and debris from where structures had been damaged. Ahsoka and Rex took one of the dual-rider speeders to scout the settlement and mark areas that needed attention, as well as allow Ahsoka to note for the troopers the remains of the bombs she and Anakin had disarmed. Alone, Ahsoka began to brief Rex on the upcoming mission.

 

“Captain, the Jedi Council is sending a small team to Zygerria, to look for my people. We wanted you to come along.”

 

He inclined his head toward her but did not look from the road, and she could tell he was surprised. “Sir?”

 

“We think that different kinds of missions - ones where you and your brothers aren’t being shot at would be…” she faltered, wanting to find the right way to say it.

 

“Would be good for me?” He tone was neutral, but she could feel his wariness, perhaps even anger at their…presumption? But it was so much more than just that.

 

“Would help you realize that you’re more to us than just a clone. You’re someone who’s input we value.” She smiled at him. “We trust with our lives, Rexter.” She paused, before admitting, “And, yes, we thought you might appreciate getting to help people in the galaxy in a different kind of way, not just on the battlefield. And we do think it would be good for you - but we only think that because we care.”

 

He didn’t say anything right away. As she waited she let herself gently dip into the Force, and she found herself surprised to find that he had opened up his emotions; he was overwhelmed with gratitude, and she realized that he likely wasn’t speaking to remain focused on the road. Finally, he said, “I greatly appreciate it, Commander. But I don’t know if I can take on a mission and let the men go off into battle without me.”

 

Ahsoka grinned again. “Anakin is arranging to have leave on Coruscant.” His head whipped around at her that time, and she laughed before motioning for him to turn back to the road.

 

“In that case, sir, I am honored to join you.” Ahsoka smiled wider.

 

Despite the light banter, Ahsoka found her spirits dampening as Rex navigated them through the colony. Traveling here again, there was more damage than she had remembered, and she winced, realizing that no matter how much they cleaned up, she and her men could not scrub the remnants of what happened here from her people’s minds.

 

“Are you all right, Commander?” Rex’s voice snapped her from her reverie, and though he kept his eyes on the road he had tilted his head slightly, trained ear ready to hear whatever was on her mind. He knew her too well, knew just how out-of-the-ordinary her behavior right now was.

 

“I’m worried about my people. It’s complicated; I don’t feel very connected to them. I’m not even from Kiros, I’m from Shilli, but I met Governor Roshti when I was very young; he was a friend of my parents.” She paused a moment; she didn’t think about her parents often. Sometimes it was hard. She didn’t really remember what they were like. “But I still care about them, even if I don’t know them all personally. And I’m scared about what will happen to them.”

 

“On Zygerria.”

 

“Just being taken by Separatists. They may not even make it to Zygerria.” She bit her lip, considering a moment before she decided. “I was taken by a slaver as a child.”

 

Rex’s head snapped to look at her in surprise at that, though he quickly snapped it back to focus on where he was driving; yet he did not say anything, not wanting to interrupt.

 

“It was right after my parents realized I was Force-sensitive. My clan sent a beacon to the Temple, but a slaver intercepted it. He disguised himself as a Jedi. I remember being so frightened; I knew that I shouldn’t trust him, but when I refused to go with him my clan was angry - they thought I was insulting the Jedi, and bringing shame upon them. So, they made me go with him.” She frowned at the memory. “But Master Plo realized what had happened, and he worked with my people to save me. Then I went to the Temple on Coruscant.” It was a lot, for her to reveal, but she trusted Rex with her life. And this was part of it.

 

Rex was silent for a moment. She noticed the speeder was slowing, and he pulled to the side of the road, taking off his helmet so that he could better look at her.

 

“How old were you, then?” He opened; she got the sense that he had several questions for her, but perhaps was adjusting to the idea that he was a friend who was welcome to ask them.

 

“Only 3.” She snorted. “You weren’t even born yet, Rexter!” She gave him an impish smile and he rolled his eyes. But her playfulness had its intended effect; he seemed to relax enough to ask her what he actually wanted to know.

 

“You said you ‘knew that you shouldn’t trust him’. You…did you feel it through the Force?” He picked up on the most interesting details, she thought. The things she left unsaid - of course, he also remembered the little things.

 

“Yes! You remembered me telling you about that, huh?” She was pleased. She had made the off-hand comment to him at the Citadel, after he caught her rolling her eyes at something Tarkin had said. Of course, he had agreed her instincts were right on and _that_ guy was a sleemo. She smiled fondly at the memory before letting it drift into the background, and continued her thought.“Yes, the Force manifests in me by granting me a keen sense of trustworthiness. As a youngling, I couldn’t get my family to understand _why_ I didn’t trust the scum. I’m just fortunate Master Plo found me.”

 

“Master Plo is a gifted Jedi. But you know, Commander,” and he looked at her earnestly, “so are _you_. And what’s more, you aren’t alone. I promise you, Commander, _we_ will find your people.” He gave her a wry grin, then pointed out the scattered remains of the droids ahead on the path. “I believe that’s _your_ handiwork, sir.” Ahsoka observed the charred metal lines, the angles of how the droids were sliced. He was probably right. She and Rex had taken the lead manning the guns during the assault against the Separatists while Obi-Wan and Anakin drove, though she had quickly taken to using her saber. She noticed - with pride - that she and Rex had been responsible for most of the droid casualties during the skirmish.

 

“We really cleaned up here, didn’t we, Captain?”

 

“As always, sir. Which is why you shouldn’t worry - we’ll come through for your people.” It was his trust _in her_ that was just as appealing as his trust in himself and his men. Ahsoka noted that where trust was once hard for her to come by, she had come so far since becoming a Padawan, and she was grateful for Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Rex. She and Rex exited the speeder, and got to work clearing the debris.

 

~~~~

 

The Captain and Commander arrived back to base after clearing what they could, and found that the Generals had developed a plan…albeit, one neither Rex nor Ahsoka were pleased with.

 

“I have to play a _slave_?” Rex could hear the sharpness of her voice, and given what she had just revealed to him, he was completely sympathetic. He really wished the Generals would have discussed this plan with _him_ first - he could have advocated for a number of different choices.

 

“We must find the location of the colonists; we believe this plan is the best option,” General Kenobi began. Rex suddenly felt acutely aware of the fact he would be the only brother on the mission. He didn’t feel entirely…comfortable being the only clone asked to tag along the mission. This would be the first he wouldn’t have any _vod_ for backup - or at least as a buffer for the trio’s bickering. But if something went wrong…especially with Ahsoka in a precarious role, he was beginning to wonder if this was the best idea for a debut solo-mission with the Jedi.

 

Ahsoka didn’t bother hiding her distaste for the plan. “I really don’t wan-”

 

Yet Anakin was adamant - he was not playing the slave. That was left to Ahsoka - Anakin would attract the attention of the Queen by gifting her Ahsoka and announcing the death of Bruno Denturri, a lowlife who’s demise would satisfy the Zygerrian scum. Rex and Obi-Wan would find the missing Togruta. “But Master,” Ahsoka made to protest, albeit weakly as Anakin cut her off by insisting. She spoke over him regardless.

 

“But I’m just another Togruta. She already has a lot of them. She doesn’t need me! For all you know, it could raise suspicion!” Rex noted that Ahsoka didn’t make any mention of what she had told him earlier - about nearly being kidnapped by a slaver. He had an inkling that was playing a large factor in her opposition. If she wasn’t going to mention it, though, then he wouldn’t either. She had chosen a different argument, an angle she thought would win her Master to her side.

 

But Rex caught Anakin and Obi-Wan’s expressions, he knew that Ahsoka’s gamble was lost.

 

“Ahsoka, that’s not going to matter.” Anakin shook his head a bit. Rex saw Ahsoka’s eyes traveled from Anakin, who was a bit exasperated, to Obi-Wan who looked more somber, and then to him - he felt himself shift uncomfortably under her gaze. He wasn’t entirely sure where he could cut in here.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because you’re…” Anakin’s voice trailed off and he slid into tan unsure expression, and then he slid a bit more into embarrassment as he realized that whatever it was he needed to say, was something that was going to be difficult for him to say. Obi-Wan stepped in to save him.

 

“Please don’t think that any of us are happy to put you in this position, but the queen has a fondness for species with lekku. There was an outfit on D’nar’s ship - it will work for your cover.” Rex found his mouth was suddenly dry. He could appreciate General Kenobi’s directness, but there were a number of unsettling implications in his statement and he found himself struggling to parse through them all.  But foremost, it didn’t feel right, putting any young person in such a demeaning situation, least of all his Commander. Obi-Wan continued, ignoring the discomfort of the 3 others in the room, “Anakin is right - you are the best candidate.”

 

Ahsoka had no rebuttal to _that_. Rex observed that she seemed defeated; her right lek twitched slightly, and he had a sinking feeling that she was more fearful and upset about the turn of events than she was truly willing to reveal. He had to try.

 

“With all due respect, Generals, if I may offer an alternative plan?” Ahsoka looked to Rex with hope in her eyes. He seemed inspired by her look, and continued without waiting for Anakin or Obi-Wan to respond. “ _I_ could pose as the slave. A reconditioned clone is unique, and could just as easily catch the queen’s attention, and I’m sure we can find something I can wear.” He was going to try and hedge off their rebuttals - this was really the only idea that had sprung to his mind, but Ahsoka trusted him enough to reveal that she had almost been kidnapped by a slaver as a child, and out of a sense of duty to his Commander he needed to try. “Ahsoka doesn’t need to be forced into this role, and can assist General Kenobi in finding her people. She may have the advantage in that over all the rest of us.”

 

Ahsoka’s eyes were wide and shining. He was sure he caught her off guard - he was _offering_ to play a slave, so that she wouldn’t have to debase herself. And after what Krell did! After everything he had told her, about the Republic, about all his own insecurities and deepest fears. Still, Rex knew it was wrong that she wasn’t given a choice in this - she, who had been such a staunch defender of him as of late. It did not go unnoticed by him that she was very careful with all the men to make them feel both valued _and_ autonomous - as much as a commanding officer could during a time of war, of course. And he could pose as a slave - it would still be nothing compared to Krell.

 

Anakin and Obi-Wan shared a looked that was sympathetic. Obi-Wan nodded to Anakin, in deference to him.

 

“Captain, I thank you for watching out for our Padawan, but Obi-Wan and I believe that your skills are best put to use helping him find the missing Togruta.”

 

Ahsoka deflated, and Rex nodded his head in understanding. This was the plan, then. It stung a bit to Rex, that they didn’t consider his offer further - but still he forced himself to weigh that against the fact his Generals had arranged well needed respite for his men. The rest of the 501st were ordered to Coruscant, until their Commanding Officers returned from Zygerria. Rex made quick work, changing into the armor stolen from a slaver. It was different than he expected, made of a fabric that was both sturdy but also impossibly soft, and he found himself liking it in spite of himself. It was comfortable.

 

When he arrived on the bridge he spied Obi-Wan and Anakin, but Ahsoka had yet to finish dressing, it seemed. The Generals were mid-conversation.

 

“We’re sure that Bruno Denturri will be enough of a draw?”

 

“I’m positive, Master,” Anakin’s confidence seemed to set Obi-Wan at ease, at least somewhat. Rex was curious, however.

 

“Sir, who is Bruno Denturri?”

 

Anakin and Obi Wan shared a look, before Anakin began. “Just a slaving scum. A dead one, now-”

 

“The Republic came to know of Denturri’s demise as we’ve been collecting intel on a suspected spy; he apparently met his unfortunate end as the result of a misunderstanding at a cantina.” Obi-Wan cut him off, diplomatically.

 

“And the person actually responsible for his death?” Rex asked.

 

“Our operatives are still gathering intelligence about him, but he’s laying low for the time being.” Obi-Wan explained.

 

Anakin was quick to cut in, “Which means he won’t be around to take credit for Denturri’s death. So I can.” He looked at his chrono. “What is taking her so long?” He looked at Rex, “Think you can go retrieve our Padawan?” Rex stood at attention with a quick nod, and left the bridge to find Ahsoka.

 

He noticed that one of the doors near the bridge was closed. He knocked.

 

“Just a minute,” he heard her call, and as he listened closer he could hear her mutterings from behind the door. And then the door swung open, and Rex found himself confronted with an unexpected sight. And he froze.

 

The first thought that came to his mind was “bright.” Ahsoka was dressed in a brilliantly blue two-piece outfit, ornamented with gold finery. The colors were striking against her sienna skin and her lighter eyes. But what made Rex’s breath hitch the most was the way Ahsoka was tugging at the waist of her belt, where he could see one _long_ stretch of her bare skin exposed as she struggled to secure the skirt. Looking up at him, she sighed, exasperated. “Rexter, do you think you can help me. I can’t get it to stay.”

 

He stared at her for a moment, and she waved a hand in front of his face to get him to snap to attention. “Sir…” he trailed off, uncomfortable by the request.

 

“Oh please, Rex, I was wearing less when I first met you. I just need help getting it fastened!” She complained, and reluctantly he pulled the clasp of the skirt into his hand, hoping that neither Skywalker nor Kenobi walked in - everything was perfectly innocent, but Rex still _knew_ what it looked like, with his hands near her hips, her midriff exposed. He did not like focusing on the fact that Ahsoka was clearly maturing, and since he didn’t like focusing on it, he didn’t. He cared about her too much to let himself sully their friendship and camaraderie with such thoughts. There was a war, he was a clone, and statistically speaking he didn’t have much of a chance of survival. He wasn’t going to worry about the future, about what might happen when she was older, if there wasn’t a war to be fought. He had a duty to her, as his family.

 

Duty first. Mission first. He refocused, and the clasp snapped into place. He stepped away and she investigated. When satisfied, she threw on a black traveling cloak over her costume, and he noted the way her eyes were vibrant against the darkness of the cloth.

 

“All right, I’m all set.” Ahsoka turned to face him, blue orbs shining bright. “Let’s get this over with.”

 

“You’ll be fine, sir,” he placed a hand on her shoulder. “I know it’s not an ideal plan, but you are more than capable of handling it.”

 

“I want to thank you for what you suggested, Rex. Changing the plan. You didn’t have to do that, especially since…” she trailed off, unsure of the words. He didn’t let her dwell.

 

“I meant what I said. I don’t think it’s fair to you at all that you didn’t have a say in this matter. I…am disappointed that the Generals did not consider your point of view.” He chose his words carefully, but he was resolved to not hide what he thought about the situation - Jedi weren’t flawless, and he was done ignoring that.

 

He was caught a little off-guard when she hugged him; it was brief, but as she pulled away he saw the depth of her gratitude. “You always have my back, Rexter.”

 

“Always, sir.” He gave her a lopsided grin.

 

“Ready to go save my people, Captain?”

 

“Right behind you, Commander.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ahsoka novel gave us new context for how big a theme 'trust' plays for Ahsoka...but I enjoyed exploring the fact that it's the same for Rex.


	3. Chapter 3

Her conversation with Governor Roshti had left Ahsoka feeling unsettled. As she had confidently proclaimed, she had certainly _hoped_ that her people would come out of their experience of enslavement at Kadavo all the stronger, but she also saw the broken hopelessness that still lingered in their eyes. Perhaps she took for granted that she had gotten used to living through the war - had come to accept the feelings of displacement that had long since taken root, wearing on her. She had survived countless battles, the Citadel, being captured by Trandoshans, and now torture and enslavement…in short she had come to accept that she would experience no shortage of suffering in her life. As a Jedi, it was her duty to accept it. Wasn't it?

 

Her experience with the Separatist Zygerrian Atai had had more than worn on her - it had shaken her. She had tried to not let her nerves show to Skyguy. But the sleemo had managed to get under her skin, had in fact crossed a line that she hadn't realized existed for her.

 

_'I like the sound of your screams, little skug.' He pressed the button again and she writhed in agony. 'I'm going to make you scream just like that again, when I finally get my time to play.' The hunger in his eyes was unmistakable, unbearable._

 

_'Do you know what I_ _’m going to do to you? First, I'm going to…'_

 

Would she really come out stronger for it?

 

"Hey, kid."

 

Rex's voice was soft, meant for her montrals alone. He was behind her, looking a little worse for wear after his own ordeal, concern shining in his eyes - concern for _her_.

 

"Hey, Rexter."

 

He smiled at her endearment - it was faint, but undeniably present. It felt so good to just _see_ him, even if he did look out of place - though dashing - in the Zygerrian armor. Ahsoka bit her lip, wrapping her arms around herself. It was all Ahsoka could do to keep from throwing herself at him and wrapping her arms around his neck instead.

 

She had been _worried_ about him, for Force's sake!

 

Yet she realized it wasn't the place. There were so many things she wanted to ask - _Are you okay? What happened? What did they do to you?_ -

 

It wasn't the place.

 

Like her, Rex seemed to be waging his own internal war, unsure what exactly to say to her, overwhelmed by his thoughts. Finally he managed, "Check in at the med bay?"

 

Ahsoka shook her head. "No." Seeing he was about to protest, she raised her hand to stall him. "I'd rather been checked by Kix back on Coruscant or the _Resolute_ , and right now, I…I'm exhausted. And I…don't want to go to the med bay." She gave him a look, one that she knew from experience he would understand. "I want to talk."

 

He nodded and motioned for her to join him toward the lift.

 

Their jaunt to find an empty bunk was easy enough, the battleships being more than equipped for additional passengers. Ahsoka waved Rex to follow behind her, and locked the door after he crossed the threshold.

 

They took a few steps into the room before Ahsoka turned abruptly and vaulted herself against him, wrapping him in a tight hug.

 

"I'm _so glad_ you're all right." She buried her face into his Zygerrian chest plate, and she reveled in the sound of his low, rumbling chuckle as he returned her embrace, wrapping his arms around her just under her central lekku. He was adjusting to what was an increasing frequency in the number of hugs. As the war waged on, he found he understood. Each mission was harder than the last, each more brutal to survive - she was genuinely happy to see him alive, so much so that she was compelled to hug him. And it warmed him to know that despite everything, despite a galaxy of others telling him his life meant little more than property, she cared so much.

 

"I'm glad you're alright too, Ahsoka." He used her name sparingly, wanting to be mindful of their roles, but he also realized they had come far enough that it was not uncomfortable for him to say it. And he knew that she liked it, which was reason enough.

 

"What happe-"

 

"How did yo-"

 

They smiled sheepishly as they parted, and Rex nodded for Ahsoka to go first.

 

"What happened, Rex? Are you okay?" She could not help herself, gingerly placing her fingers on his neck where she could see the raw flesh from where his slave collar had shocked him. Just like it had her.

 

"I got to beat up a lot of Zygerrians in the end.” He quipped, and she snorted.

 

“On behalf of my people,” her tone was playful but conveyed complete sincerity, “I deeply thank you.” Then she turned serious again. “Really. Are you all right?”

 

“I've had worse recently, to be honest," he said, and though she knew his voice carried no malice towards her, she nevertheless heard the darkness of Umbara tinged in it. She nodded, her hand dropping down, unsure if she should ask him for specifics about his ordeal, but he continued by offering them.

 

"The Zygerrian's plan was to break General Kenobi by making the Torgrutan people suffer. General Kenobi and I did not struggle with the physical labor, but…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

 

She waited, and he motioned for them to sit down on the bunk before continuing. "General Kenobi could not always manage his…"

 

"Impulse to help others?" Ahsoka offered with an impish grin. Rex half-smirked in return.

 

"Something like that." Ahsoka shook her head, quietly laughing to herself.

 

"Obi-Wan says he doesn't understand how Anakin can be so reckless, but sometimes, I don't think he realizes that just cares just as much as Anakin and it gets him into the same trouble."

  
"Runs in the family, I suppose," Rex offered her a wry grin, which she returned with her own. Her look then grew thoughtful for a moment.

 

"It's not always a bad thing," she said, quietly, almost to herself. Then, she snapped out of it. "How did you and Obi-Wan manage to escape? Was it Anakin that got you out?"

 

Rex snorted, making a mental note to circle back around to her very curious comment, before saying, "Obi-Wan and I were able to fight our way out before he arrived, you know. Like I said, I _did_ beat up a lot of those kriffing Zygerrians."

 

"I didn't mean to doubt!" She said with a laugh.

 

"Of course not, _sir_." She did not bother correcting him, for the way he said her title was clearly in jest. He paused for a moment, letting the mood settle. "I killed the Overseer. Argus."

 

Ahsoka swallowed, but did not say anything. Rex continued. "He made a comment to Obi-Wan, taunting him that a Jedi wouldn't kill an unarmed man. I took it upon myself, not being a Jedi."

 

Ahsoka looked thoughtful again, slowly nodding to herself. "I suppose that's an example of how my Master thinks our Code prevents us from going far enough to achieve victory."

 

"I don't regret it. He caused many innocent people to suffer." Rex's jaw clenched, but he took a deep breath and continued. "I thought a lot about…you. It was hard not to."

 

She frowned and turned to him, not understanding.

 

"Your people. It was hard to not think about their suffering. And of course thinking about them, I wondered what was happening to you." He sighed. "I'm a man bred to withstand the physical extremes. Those people did nothing to deserve what happened to them. What he did to them."

 

Ahsoka felt a warmth spread from the center of her abdomen, spreading to the tips of her fingers and toes. He felt things so keenly, she knew, but he was so guarded, so reserved in letting it show. He was quick-witted and had a pleasing, dry sense of humor, but Ahsoka had learned the wit was used as a salve, a balm to ease more troubled thoughts of his. The emotions he rarely let show. Only with those he trusted most, she knew. He was so decent, so thoughtful and full compassion for others. For her.

 

She let herself sink into the Force, and could feel his caring, his regard, despite the barriers he was attempting to hold in place; always so guarded. She focused her attention, sending almost a caress through the Force to him - a gentle, wordless acknowledgment of his goodness, a _Thank You_.

 

She felt him relax and receive her gesture. As if emboldened he continued to speak.

 

"I figured, though  - given your recent track record  - that it was only a matter of time before you broke out and found your way to us."

 

"You never lost faith in me?"

 

"I'll always believe in you, kid."

 

She didn't doubt it.

 

~~~~

 

Her expression was one of sweet, unadulterated happiness, and Rex almost didn't wish to ask his follow up question. But he noted the dark bags under her eyes, the singed skin of her neck above the hem of her shirt and his favorite diamond-shaped choker, the bruising on her arms visible despite her sleeves. A part deep in the recess of his mind had also been worrying on a more visceral level; he had been adamantly opposed to her playing the role of slave. Between that and the alluring outfit they’d found on-board the ship (he _really_ didn’t want to think about the fact they had found it at all in the first place), he was worried that a _specific kind_ of harm may have come to her after their capture.

 

He saw how the Zygerrian slavers had treated the Togrutan females.

 

She had refused immediate medical attention, which was a good sign. Still…he needed to ask.

 

"Ahsoka…what about you? What happened?"

 

She breathed in, then out, and then adjusted herself on the bunk, moving so her back was flush against the wall, legs folding against her chest. She motioned with her head for Rex to join her, and he did, moving to her side. He thought she seemed to lean into his presence.

 

"It was mostly okay. Some Zygerrian sleemo working for Dooku threw me in a cage and hung me out in the sun for a bit, occasionally zapping me. Nice view, though."

 

Even though her voice was casual, he could tell there was more to it than that.

 

"Did he do anything else to you?"

 

She hesitated, and for a moment, that made Rex worry. But he held his tongue and his patience was rewarded.

 

"It wasn't so much what he did, but he said a few things. I know I shouldn't let it bother me…" she trailed off, biting her lip. Seeing that she needed some encouragement he wordlessly offered her his hand, letting her know he was there to support her. She grasped it and then leaned fully against his body, her right side supported by his left, and for the first time Rex was glad he was wearing his disguise rather than the familiar comfort of his armor. While the latter was a second skin, his current attire were softer, and probably more comfortable for her.

 

The next question he asked with dread.

 

"What did he say?"

 

She didn't respond. She didn't even seem to breathe, and he felt no shift in her body, no twitch or curl of movement. And then…

 

"It was rather indecent." He could tell she was still trying to maintain levity, perhaps for her own sake. His grip on her hand tightened. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he could feel the tip of her montral just brushing his cheek.

 

"He described what he _wanted_ to do to me." He felt the barest of shudders run through her. "In rather explicit and…violent detail." She trailed off feebly. Rex fought the impulse to flinch at the mental picture painted in his mind. "He was using the collar to shock me. He was…really encouraged by my screams."

 

Rex forced himself to clamp down on the emotions he felt rising from deep in his stomach. He was all too aware that she was becoming increasingly skilled at sensing his emotions and reading his moods, and though part of him rather liked she took the time to know him so well, he also was wary about tipping his hand.

 

Anger and disgust, those emotions she could easily understand. But the others… like feelings of protectiveness that teetered just beyond the threshold of normal Captain/Commander dynamics. Caring. _Devotion_.

 

He locked the emotions away, and returned his attention to Ahsoka. She was lost in thought for a moment, then spoke again.

 

"Barriss has told me a lot about the history of violent conflicts and major wars throughout the galaxy. She reads a lot.” Ahsoka deadpanned.  “A lot more than I do, anyway. “ They shared a quick smirk, before she regained her somber tone. “Across various galactic conflicts, rape has been used as a weapon." Ahsoka closed her eyes. "Barriss mentioned it being a psychological tool of war just as much as a physical one." She looked at him, seeing if he understood.

 

He nodded slowly. The savagery she described was associated with armies of the past, not droids and certainly not clones - he hoped. He had witnessed abusive and degrading behaviors particularly aimed at females on some of the planets he had traversed, often by locals in positions of power, but nothing like she had described.

 

Until Kadavo.

 

"Barriss and I have talked about our own experiences. It seems like every female we know has experienced some kind of sleemo trying to pull something on her, and it's only worse on missions." She frowned. "I've definitely been on the receiving end of…things. Cad Bane had some innuendos…and Hondo! But this…" She seemed to curl even closer against him, despite the fact that she was still facing him, eyes locked on his.

 

"This was the first time I felt the real threat that it was…imminent. That it could happen to me, you know? It was only a matter of time before he'd try it." Her jaw clenched before she darkly continued, “Not that he’d _succeed_ , just that he’d _try_.”

 

He snorted in spite himself, in spite of the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He had no doubt she would put up one hell of a fight, but he also felt slightly sick at the thought. They had never discussed anything like this. This was so vulnerable, so intimate. And yet, Ahsoka trusted _him_ , over even her own Master, to share this. It seemed only fair he returned the favor, at least in part. Very carefully, he lowered his defenses, embracing his feelings of protectiveness, his care and regard for her. He understood that by allowing himself to revel in his feelings, she would be able to sense them too. He knew almost instantly she could feel them; her head snapped back up, and reflexively she smiled.

 

"Oh, Rex. This is why I can tell you this. You just…" she tiled her head away, eyes becoming slightly unfocused as she searched for the right word. "You're such a good, decent man. It's why I trust you." He felt his heat rise across his cheeks. Flattered by her compliment, he struggled to find a response, but she didn’t wait for one. "I'm glad that at the very least, I have you watching my back, Rexter."

 

He had given it a lot of thought while trapped at Kadavo. Of course he protected her out of his own sense of duty, the act of honoring his Code. But it was more than that.

 

"I used to think the greatest honor of my life was fighting for the Republic." He began haltingly. He didn't look at her but could feel her attention, her scrutiny intense. "Umbara…changed that. Krell made me change how I think. Made me rethink about what it all means. What does it mean that me and so many of my brothers are being asked to die in a war we know so little about? Of course, these thoughts have always been there…" Admitting it out loud felt like a sin. Captain Rex, of the 501st, had _always_ doubted his purpose in life? It was the type of thought the long-necks of Kamino had tried to desperately to program out of him…and yet there it was.

 

"Before Christophsis, one of our brothers betrayed us. He said that we were being used by the Republic, by the Jedi, and that we were nothing more than slaves." He bristled. "I didn't think it was true at the time. But after Krell…"

 

"But you are also right. I remember what you said, that night we got off of Umbara,” he felt her nod, “I fight for the system that upholds the Republic. And the system _is_ made up of good people, many who are in over their heads with this conflict and are just looking for their place in this universe, with the people they care about. Like your people. I fight for them. I fight for my brothers and for you.  

   

Her smile was luminescent, and he found himself smiling back almost unthinkingly.

 

"I fight for you, Rex, and regardless of what happens after this war, I'll continue to fight for you and your brothers. You are men! You have rights! You are _not slaves."_ She was looking at him with an expression of pure determination  - he adored that expression. "You deserve to live your life the way you want."

 

To hear the dream not as a product of his own mind but as the outspoken proclamation of a _Jedi_ helped blossom in his mind the image of possibilities he hadn't previously dared imagine. But he didn't dwell long, for she had pulled him into a fierce hug, and he found that he returned her embrace with the same ferocity. He felt weightless and yet also felt the sudden rush of heavy tiredness sink into him. He slumped a little, and instantly Ahsoka adjusted, wrapping herself into a hug. He found himself relaxing in spite of himself. It _had_ been unpleasant - not completely unendurable, but nonetheless Rex wouldn’t wish the experience of Kadavo on anyone. It felt nice to relax - he felt at ease. It was a rare sensation.

 

He didn’t know how he wanted to live the rest of his life, or how he even would. But in the moment…he wanted this.

 

It was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've found I really enjoy using my writing to process big concepts. So violence against women, in this context, has been interesting to explore. There are a lot of interesting tensions that exist in the SW universe about the treatment of women in general, but then, there's a lot to explore with the clones and slavery and the function (and rot) of the Republic as well. I have a lot of fun exploring it.
> 
> Also, I know I tend to hammer home "trust" and "having their back" but seriously I feel like that is how their relationship exists. It's the fundamental need they feel for each other.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is really borne out of the desire to explore some pretty traumatic turn of events that happen from Umbara to Kadavo - and my interpretation about how Ahsoka and Rex are able to act somewhat normally throughout. I enjoy exploring the ways in which friendships can have therapeutic, healing effects - basically, it's Ahsoka and Rex's compassion that keep them grounded.


End file.
